


In Love and War

by Callisto_HK



Category: NCIS
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt Tony DiNozzo, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-23
Updated: 2016-07-24
Packaged: 2018-07-26 07:00:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7564666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Callisto_HK/pseuds/Callisto_HK
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>While drunk and angry for some personal reasons, Gibbs throws some hurtful words at Tony and, not-surprisingly, regrets them the next day; but is that soon enough? /Set in season 9. Rated T for Language/ No bashing!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story happens during season 9, but there's no spoiler; well, unless you don't know what happened at the end of season 3 and in the beginning of season 4!

"Get out and never come back." Gibbs yelled from the wheelchair he'd been stuck in for the past month.  
  
"Boss-" Tony approached calmly but Gibbs stopped him mid-sentence.  
  
"I'm not your boss anymore, Dammit." He yelled again. "Don't you have better things to do? I'm tired of seeing your sorry ass wandering around my house every night. I don't need your pity."  
  
"Yeah, and here I thought we were over with that one." Tony mumbled and rolled his eyes. "Gibbs, snap out of it. You're gonna be fine. You're going to walk again and get back to work and boss us around. But till then, you're stuck with me."  
  
"Oh, am I?"  
  
Tony didn't answer, knowing Gibbs was in one of his moods.  
  
"Tell me one thing, why you?" He snarled. "Isn't there anyone else? Where's Abby?"  
  
"You know she can't do what I can."  
  
"Then the nurse. Anyone but you." Gibbs turned his chair around, but not before noticing that his words had stung, if the look on Tony's face was anything to go by, and it was shamefully gratifying to see that look at that moment.  
  
He was tired of being the one who'd been hurt. He was tired of being stuck in a stupid wheelchair and although he'd been reassured that he was going to walk again, he was tired and sick of depending on others.  
  
Tony was right, he was the best choice to help him and the younger man had always been there, helping him happily. It wasn't like anyone had forced him to come by, but he'd always shown up and in occasions that he had to stay at office the whole night, the nurse who'd been helping him during the day would stay the night, as well.  
  
And honestly, Gibbs _was_ thankful, but everyone including Tony knew that he wasn't one to admit it out loud and although he'd been more of a bastard than a good company the past month, Tony hadn't said a word about it; he'd just stayed there and took Gibbs' malicious words and the next night it was like nothing had happened. They would just get back to normal. Tony would make dinner and help Gibbs with his exercises and needs while talking nonstop in order to keep Gibbs' mind too busy to start feeling sorry for himself.  
  
That night it seemed different, though. When Tony had returned to his place, he looked too tired; he was silent and seemingly preoccupied and when Gibbs had asked about the case, he'd just smiled and refused to talk about it.  
  
That was what aggravated Gibbs. Tony and everyone else kept saying that he was going to be fine and back to work soon enough, but now it appeared that Tony was keeping him out of the loop. Not that he was _in_ the loop in the first place; it was just that Tony used to tell him about their cases before.  
  
Somehow, Gibbs felt like it meant that he wasn't going to get back on his feet and Tony staying with him was just out of pity and although they'd been through that conversation many times before, he couldn't keep his words to himself anymore. And this time he'd tried to be more hurtful.  
  
Tony dismissed the hurt as soon as his heart registered it and smiled. "Aw, come on. You will miss me if I don't show up one night. Don't deny it, Boss."  
  
"You're just too full of yourself, aren't you?" Gibbs turned back. "What are you trying to prove? That you care? I know that you will be out of that door the second you find the chance, then why the bother?"  
  
Tony blinked in confusion, and then shook his head. "You've been drinking again, haven't you?" He rolled his eyes. "I'm gonna make dinner."  
  
"You approach my kitchen and I'll shoot you." Gibbs growled.  
  
"With what?" Tony laughed.  
  
Gibbs growled angrily. "You know what? You're right, I'm gonna be fine and get my job back from you, and when I do, I want you off my team." He felt an irrational desire to blame someone for his misery; like Tony wanted his job and that was why he was helping Gibbs, like he was doing it to ease his guilty conscience.  
  
That had the effect Gibbs was waiting for, and although he didn't really mean what he had said, he really wanted to hurt someone at that moment and Tony was the only target around.  
  
Tony froze in his place and turned around to look at Gibbs. "I-... I've never wanted your job. Your desk is still intact. Why do you-" he trailed off.  
  
"You think I'm stupid? Get the hell out of my house, DiNozzo." The older man yelled. "I don't wanna see your face ever again."  
  
"Look, Bo-" he stopped at the anger in Gibbs' eyes and corrected himself; "Gibbs, I don't know what has triggered your anger this time, but things are gonna look better tomorrow, I... I will leave now if that's what you want, just give me a second to call someone to-"  
  
"I don't need a damn babysitter, DiNozzo. No wonder you don't have any real friends. Just how annoying can you be?"  
  
That stung. Tony was trying hard not to show it and not to take Gibbs' words to heart, but his defenses were already down after dealing with the hard case they had in hand and honestly, Gibbs had never been that blunt; that angry; that full of hatred.  
  
"Tomorrow if anyone wants to come and check on me, it better not be you."  
  
Quietly, Tony grabbed his overcoat and walked out of his boss' place. Once outside, he sighed heavily and debated about calling Ducky or Abby. Gibbs would never treat them that way, but he dismissed the idea. They all were tired after the events of that day and needed their rest.  
  
So he just walked to his car and waited there; watching Gibbs' house from outside, telling himself that he was close enough and would check on the older man once he was sure he was asleep.  
  
Gibbs rolled himself to the kitchen and grabbed the bottle of bourbon and took large gulps of the liquid, feeling bad for what he'd said to his friend.  
Part of him was satisfied that now he wasn't the only one hurting, but a small part of him knew that he hadn't been fair and that part was sure going to show itself in full force the next day, so he'd make it up to Tony.  
  
But till then he had time to drown his sorrows and forget about his miserable life.  
  
.  
  
.  
  
 **... TBC ...**


	2. Chapter 2

As expected, the next day, Gibbs woke up with a killer headache and was feeling so bad that he didn't even notice that he had a blanket on him and a bucket next to the couch.  
  
All he could remember from the previous night was settling himself on the couch; the rest was blurred. He thought that Tony had come back at some point, but that couldn't be possible, so he just told himself that he'd imagined it.  
  
Andy, his nurse, arrived a few minutes past nine and just by looking at Gibbs and the bucket, he realized that the older man was suffering from another hangover; so, he silently helped the man into his chair and gave him his black coffee with a painkiller.  
  
The day passed just as quiet as any other day in the past month, which was good because Gibbs had found enough time to think and come to his senses and was planning to show Tony how sorry he was for what he had said without truly apologizing!  
  
He had a reputation to protect, after all.  
  
.  
  
At night, when Tony didn't show up at the usual time, Gibbs started to feel concerned.  
  
The bad feeling in his gut that he had ignored the whole day worsened and he feared that his last night's hurtful words had been the last straw and he might never see Tony again.  
  
That sounded too dramatic, of course.  
  
He knew that even if he had hurt Tony too greatly, he still could find the chance to show him how sorry he was and that he was actually appreciating what the younger man was doing for him. But he knew that even though Tony'd probably forgive him for it, it didn't mean that his words hadn't cut deeply.  
  
He was afraid that Tony would never look at him the same way again or that after everything was over and he got back to his job, the younger man would keep his distance and never trust him with his personal life again.  
  
When finally at 2230, he heard the sound of a car pulling over outside his house, followed by the sound of the front door opening, he let out a sigh of relief and turned his gaze back to the piece of wood he was working on, not wanting to show how bad he'd been waiting.  
  
Earlier that month, Tony had moved some of his stuff from the basement to the living room, knowing that it was the only thing that could keep the older man sane; and ruefully, Gibbs realized that he'd never thanked his friend for that either.  
  
"What took you so long?" He grumbled without looking up from his work.  
  
"Umm... Hi, Gibbs."  
  
That voice made Gibbs stop working and slowly, he looked up, as a cold shiver ran down his spine. There in front of him were Abby and Ducky.  
  
Not Tony.  
  
Tony had taken his words to heart. Tony had stayed gone, just like Gibbs had asked; or well, ordered!  
  
"Tony didn't come?" He asked, his voice uncharacteristically shaky.  
  
He didn't care if he sounded weak; all of a sudden he felt too tired to care what Abby or Ducky might think of him. "I knew I had gone too far. I... I told him not to come back, but I didn't mean it." He looked between Abby and Ducky and saw the sad look they exchanged.  
  
"He told you, didn't he? I went too far this time."  
  
"Gibbs-" Abby started.  
  
"I understand if he doesn't want to see me ever again."  
  
"Jethro-" Ducky tried.  
  
He'd planed to not use the actual word to apologize, but now it didn't matter anymore. "Just... Just tell him I'm sorry, will you? I-"  
  
"Gibbs, it's not like that." Abby tried to stop Gibbs, but he was surrounded by his thoughts.  
  
"I would call him myself, but he doesn't answer. Why would he, the things I said-"  
  
"Jethro." Suddenly Ducky was kneeling beside him, shaking his shoulder. "It's not what you think. I don't really know what you are talking about, but I know for sure that young Anthony is not upset or mad at you and that's not the reason he is not here now."  
  
"Then what's the reason? And how do you know he's not upset?"  
  
"Because he made us come here to be with you while we should be somewhere else." Abby jumped in. "He made sure someone, preferably me and Ducky, would be with you. He didn't want you to be alone."  
  
"That's because I told him I preferred anyone but him."  
  
Abby frowned. "Why would you-"  
  
Ducky stopped her though, knowing that it wasn't their place to ask about Gibbs and Anthony's discussion if they hadn't heard about it yet. "That doesn't matter, Abigail. Jethro, listen to me, Anthony..." he took a deep breath. "Anthony has been shot today, that's why he's not here now."  
  
Gibbs' eyes widened. "What? When? Why hasn't anyone called me? Why am I hearing this now? How did that happen? Where is he? What-"  
  
"Jethro, Jethro-" Ducky interrupted him. "One question at a time." _'The medications he's taking have an interesting effect on his characteristics.'_ He couldn't help thinking with slight amusement.  
  
Gibbs just glared and waited for some answers.  
  
"It happened this afternoon. The case was a complicated one; everyone on the team has been working hard the last couple of days. Today they got an Intel and when they went to check it... Well, I think it's safe to say all hell broke loose. There was a shootout and Anthony got shot when he tried to push Timothy out of the way. He was shot three times before they brought two of the shooters down. Unfortunately one of them got away. But Anthony got one shooter while Ziva shot another one."  
  
"Three times?" Gibbs could feel the tremor in his body and clenched his fists in order to hide the shake in his hands.  
  
"Yes." Ducky nodded sadly, as Abby sat beside Gibbs on a chair and grabbed his hand. He wasn't sure if she was trying to comfort him, or was looking for some sort of comfort for herself.  
  
"One to the right leg, one to right lower abdomen and one to the chest, just above the right lung." He stopped for Gibbs to digest the information and continued when there was no reaction from the other man. "And about why you're hearing it now, well... Anthony lost a great deal of blood and by the time they brought him to the hospital he was unconscious. From what I've heard, he'd made sure that Ziva and Timothy were alright and wanted them to stay at the scene to work on the case. Abigail and I went to the hospital to be with him but we didn't really know much; Ziva wasn't accurate when she called me and she seemed a little bit distraught and judging by what she has seen, that's totally understandable. Watching a comrade coming down like that can affect you greatly, even if you are a trained Mossad officer. There have been cases when those who hadn't been physically hurt-"  
  
"Ducky, please." Gibbs growled. "How bad-... Is he-" he couldn't finish it, but why would both Ducky and Abby go there to tell him that Tony couldn't come. Did that mean that Tony was dead?  
  
That couldn't happen, not now. Well, not ever; but especially not now, not when he had said those terrible things to Tony. What if Tony died, thinking Gibbs-  
  
"Dead?" Ducky's voice interrupted his thoughts. "Oh my, no. Not-" he stopped himself, but not in time.  
  
"Not yet?" Gibbs glared at him. "You gonna tell me what's going on with him or I have to play twenty questions?" He growled.  
  
"Gibbs." Abby decided to take part in the conversation. "He was out of it, but he regained consciousness while they were trying to stabilize him and he wanted to-" Abby swallowed. "He called your name and when the nurse asked for you, we went in to the trauma room to see him. Tony kept telling us to come to you and that you shouldn't be alone especially after last night, which I don't understand or should I say didn't understand?" She shrugged. "But with what you told us about your last night and the way Tony acted in hospital, it seems like he didn't want you to think he's mad and he sure doesn't want you to blame yourself and he really was adamant and didn't let anyone do anything until we promised that we would come here to make sure you were alright. Of course this is Tony we're talking about. He's always adamant and stubborn which makes him even sexier."  
  
 _'And I'm sure this is his way of making me pay for what I said to him last night. Couldn't he send just one of them? He had to make them both come? Just you, DiNozzo.'_ Gibbs thought. "He asked you both to come? I'm sure just one of you could've delivered the news."  
  
"I didn't want to be alone there." Abby shrugged.  
  
"And we weren't sure how to tell you." Ducky said.  
  
"It's not like he's dead." Gibbs rolled his eyes. He was acting cool, pretending he was fine, but deep down, he was struggling with himself.  
  
He still didn't know how bad Tony's condition was or how he could tell him that he hadn't meant any of those hurtful things he had uttered the other night. But he considered this as a second chance and wasn't about to lose it.  
  
Then he saw the dejected look on Abby and Ducky's eyes.  
  
"What's with the long faces?"  
  
Then he remembered the 'not yet' part. What if it was too late? Three shots! It wasn't something to joke about.  
  
"Jethro, Anthony is strong and rather young and he sure is stubborn if nothing else. But the doctors at the hospital told us to be prepared for the worst. I haven't seen his test results, but Anthony didn't look good when I saw him. We waited there and when they took him to the operating room, we came here to get you. I just want you to know what might-"  
  
"He's not gonna die." Gibbs sounded so sure. "Now let's go or get the hell outta of my way so I can call a cab."  
  
"No need to be rude, Jethro. We all are worried and we didn't come here to just deliver the bad news. For some reasons, Anthony was really worried about you and we wanted to make sure you were alright. But we can go now." He chastised Gibbs as Abby went to grab his jacket before leaving.  
  
And Gibbs was once again lost in thought; thinking about Tony, his words to him and more importantly the fact that the younger man was worried about him while fighting for his life. But that wasn't really surprising. Tony didn't usually show his true feelings, but when situation called for it, he'd always put everyone else before himself; and this time was no exception.  
  
.  
  
.  
  
 **... TBC ...**


	3. Chapter 3

Despite the time they had spent in Gibbs' place, they still had to wait a long time in the waiting room for a doctor to come out of the OR and give them any kind of information.  
  
Ziva had called Abby a couple of times, asking about Tony and had finally showed up when there was nothing else to do in the office.  
  
Finding Gibbs there, she automatically started to report what they had done before remembering the situation and stopping herself. "Sorry, Gibbs. I just-... I-"  
  
"I know, it's OK. So, any progress?" Gibbs asked.  
  
"I do not know how much you know about the case."  
  
"Not much." Gibbs admitted.  
  
"Well, then, all I can say is that we still have not found the third shooter, but we are close. You do know about shooters, yes? We have put out a BOLO on him."  
  
"Where is Tim?" Abby asked.  
  
"He, uh... I could not convince him to go home or come here. I think he-"  
  
"Blames himself." Ducky finished her statement and Ziva nodded.  
  
"But that's stupid." Abby frowned. "Tony got hit saving his life, but it's not like Tim's shot Tony."  
  
"He was not paying attention, Abby. And honestly, I was not paying much attention, either. We just did not expect anything to go wrong. I do not even know how Tony saw them before us."  
  
"You mean to say you think you're better than Tony and it's weird that Tony spotted those shooters and not you?" Abby's voice went cold.  
  
"No." Ziva's eyes widened as she realized how her sentence might have sounded to others. "I did not mean to imply that. I totally believe in Tony's ability."  
  
"You have never shown much belief or obedience."  
  
"I-" Ziva frowned. "What are you saying, Abby? I listen to him."  
  
"But you question his orders and you dismiss his ideas and you clearly weren't paying attention when you should have and now look what happened."  
  
"That was not my fault. Tim got him shot."  
  
"It could have been you. McGee is right to blame himself." Abby murmured. "I wonder why you don't feel the same."  
  
"I did not get him shot." Ziva gritted angrily.  
  
"Enough." Gibbs would've barked if they were anywhere else, but in a hospital all he could do was growl. "Both of you."  
  
Ducky shook his head and mumbled something about tea before leaving them.  
  
"Abby, there's no point to hold this conversation here."  
  
Abby nodded before looking daggers at Ziva and turning her gaze to the door of the operation room.  
  
"We were just pulling his arm." Ziva offered quietly.  
  
"What?" Gibbs frowned.  
  
"McGee and I; we did not mean to be disobedient, we wanted to-"  
  
"Leg." Abby rolled her eyes.  
  
"What?" Ziva looked confused.  
  
"It's pulling his leg, not arm. And how you questioning his orders is pulling his leg is beyond me. After Gibbs left for Mexico you did the same, but seriously, now after so many years, you repeating the same stupid action is unbelievable."  
  
Gibbs narrowed his eyes. "You have any problem following your superior's orders, David?"  
  
"No, Gibbs. I swear. I admit that we were not completely cooperative but we believe in him. He is our teammate and friend and he has been a great Team Leader, it is just hard to-" she sighed. "OK, we are at fault. I am sorry."  
  
Gibbs shook his head. "I'm not the one you should apologize to."  
  
"I will tell Tony how sorry I am, even though he did not seem fazed."  
  
"Tony doesn't show anything; doesn't mean he's not hurt." Abby growled. "He'd better not die or end up with any permanent damage or I'll kill you both."  
  
Ziva looked away and didn't say anything else. The thought of Tony not surviving or not coming back to work was too much to take. She really couldn't stand the thought of working without him. Ziva didn't like to admit it or show that she practically needed Tony around, but she couldn't lie to herself, either.  
  
Gibbs for his part was struggling with his own feelings. He was wondering why Tony had never said a word about Ziva and McGee's behavior at work. It couldn't have been easy to go on like that. And now what was it that Abby said about the same behavior while he'd been in Mexico?  
  
He made a mental note to ask Tony about it, and that, of course, was for a later time, when he'd proved to Tony that he didn't mean a word he'd said to him the other night.  
  
A few minutes later Ducky was back with a cup of coffee for Gibbs and was about to sit down when a doctor came out and looked for Anthony DiNozzo's family.  
  
"Hi, do we have a Mr. Gibbs here?"  
  
"That's me."  
  
The doctor looked at him and then sat down on the couch beside his wheelchair. "Hi, I'm Andrew Patterson. I'm Agent DiNozzo's attending physician. I'm sorry we didn't wait for you to sign the papers to perform the surgery on Agent DiNozzo. His medical proxy signed them, I hope you're OK with it."  
  
"Of course I am. What's going on? How is Tony?"  
  
Dr. Patterson looked around and with one look he realized that Gibbs was OK with the group of people to hear the news. "Well, if you're sure you want me to-"  
  
"I'm sure. Go on." Gibbs demanded.  
  
The doctor nodded. "The bullet to his right leg had gone through and hit the femur. It took us a while, but we finally repaired the damage to the bone and muscles. He's gonna need some physical therapy, but there's no reason he shouldn't make a full recovery in that area."  
  
"Just in that area?" Abby couldn't help asking.  
  
"Well, it's all up to him; the bullet to his abdomen had done some damage to his small intestine and we had to remove the damaged part."  
  
"That shouldn't cause any problem." Ducky noted.  
  
"No, not really. He should lie still for a while and follow a special diet for a few months, but once he's healed, he can go back to his old habits; and that's usually not easy for the patient. But right now it's not our biggest concern. The bullet to his shoulder didn't do much damage. It was relatively easy to repair the damage to the scapula- uh, shoulder blade and the two broken ribs. The problem is with that kind of injury, he's unable to use crutches which means once he's allowed to move around, he should use a wheelchair. And with what I've seen through the years, patients don't like that option at all."  
  
"Oh he wouldn't like it." Abby commented.  
  
"It's probably for a really short time." Patterson reassured. "And he still will be able to take care of his needs."  
  
Ducky ignored those comments as he studied the MD more closely. "I feel there's more, Doctor Patterson. Am I right?"  
  
"I'm afraid you are. Like I said, these are not exactly our main concern. The problem is that Agent DiNozzo has lost a great deal of blood before our people could get to him and it took us a while to stabilize him for the surgery. He coded twice on the table and as a consequence, he's not as responsive as we liked him to be."  
  
"He's fallen into a coma?" Gibbs couldn't believe his ears.  
  
"No, not exactly. He's responsive to some stimuli which is why we don't put him in the comatose patients' category, but -"  
  
"Just spill it." Gibbs growled.  
  
Patterson shared a look with Ducky, knowing that the old ME could understand what he was trying to say.  
  
"He might be brain damaged." Ducky spoke quietly.  
  
"What?" Abby jumped from her seat. "How's that possible?"  
  
"The brain is a complicated organ-"  
  
"Enough with the medical mambo jambo. What are his chances?"  
  
"To recover? It's not bad, I can say more in a few hours and his chances will probably improve by then. I just wanted you to be prepared. He went through the surgery pretty well, which is more than what we-"  
  
"His chances." Gibbs pushed.  
  
"Right. Well, at this moment it's 30 to 40 percent."  
  
"And if he doesn't recover fully, what level of brain damage are we talking here?" Ducky asked, wanting to prepare Gibbs for the worst.  
  
"I'm sure you know that we can't give a straight answer to that question. It's too soon; it can be anything between confusion and memory issues to 'locked-in syndrome'."  
  
"Which one is more likely to happen?" Ducky asked grimly.  
  
"We think it's likely to be a moderate cerebral hypoxia but it might go further and causes problems with speech and language or may interfere with his ability to express emotions, depending on the purpose of that portion of the brain, which again we might be more certain of, after a few hours."  
  
Gibbs realized that no one said anything anymore. And to his surprise, Ziva wasn't anywhere around. He didn't know when the former Mossad liaison had left.  
  
"But he has, at least, a 30 percent chance of full recovery, right?" Abby asked.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"That's good enough for now. Tony's worked with less. He's going to be fine." She sounded so sure and determined.  
  
The doctor smiled. "That's what we hope to see. He's gonna be in the Intensive Care Unit until he wakes up. There are rules for the visitors there, but you all can see him if you want. Now if you don't have any questions, I'll ask the nurse to help you with the directions."  
  
"Thank you, Doctor." Ducky shook his hand before turning to the Gibbs and Abby. "Where did Ziva go?"  
  
Abby looked around as she just realized Ziva wasn't there. "I don't know. When did she leave?"  
  
"I suggest you go and find her, my dear girl. She might be at fault for not following Anthony's orders immediately, but neither she nor young Timothy ever wanted this for Anthony. They had witnessed their friend go down, I'm sure a few kind words of sympathy won't go amiss."  
  
"Ducky! Tony might never wake up, he might be brain damaged. How can you talk like that?"  
  
"Now now, Abigail. Anthony is going to be fine. You shouldn't give up on him that easily. And like I said, Ziva and Timothy are blaming themselves enough and this particular incident, as tragic as it is, is nobody's fault but the felons'; besides, Anthony is gonna need all his friend around to help him through this, don't you agree?"  
  
"Ducky's right, Abs. Go find Ziva and don't be harsh. They're gonna answer for insubordination, but they didn't shoot Tony and didn't leave him without backup, so the questioning has to wait."  
  
Abby sighed. "I know. They are my friends, too. I'm just worried about Tony. "  
  
"I know." Gibbs nodded, wishing he could get up from his stupid chair and give Abby a hug.  
  
As if Abby could read his mind, she bent down and gave Gibbs a fierce hug. "I'm gonna bring them both here. Ducky's right, Tony needs all the support he can get." She said before walking away quickly.  
  
.  
  
.  
  
 **... TBC ...**


	4. Chapter 4

The next few days were hell, to say the least.  
  
The first day Gibbs was alone in the hospital, since Ducky had to get back to the Navy Yard to help Palmer with the bodies that Tony and Ziva had left for them, and Ziva and Tim were nowhere to be seen. Abby had come back twice, but hadn't stayed long and had declared that she was still working on bringing Ziva and Tim to the hospital.  
  
At nights, due to his own problems and injury, Gibbs would leave the hospital, but he always would come back the next afternoon, after doing his own physical therapy.  
  
Seeing Tony in that situation had been another reason for him to work harder to get back on his feet. He wanted to be able to be strong for Tony in case the younger man was anything but perfectly fine.  
  
He had yet to talk to him and tell him that he was sorry; he just didn't see the point in talking to an unconscious form.  
  
After two days, the team had finally found the third shooter and closed the case and much to Gibbs' relief they had killed him during a commotion.  
  
He thought it was only fair that the dirtbag who had done this to Tony would die.  
  
Gibbs still didn't know much about the case; it was almost over before Tony got shot, all they had to do was find the shooter to close it. But Gibbs knew that an entire family with two kids had been involved and knowing that, plus seeing Tony in his current condition left no doubt for Gibbs that the bastard didn't deserve to breathe.  
  
Finding about the case and those kids had also added to Gibbs' guilt, realizing that Tony had been trying to spare him the extra pain by not telling him about the case. And here he'd yelled at the younger man and had called him names.  
  
After the case was over, Ziva had no other excuses to stay away and had finally showed up; she looked totally stressed up and when she left Tony's room, her eyes were red rimmed.  
  
But McGee never showed up.  
  
With the two senior agents down, Vance had no choice but to take the whole team off rotation. There wasn't much they could do without a leader. So McGee had taken off in a hurry and not even Abby could find him; and honestly she'd given up after a couple of tries. She had angrily said that if he cared enough then they wouldn't have to _force_ him to come and visit his friend.  
  
It was the fourth day when finally Tony showed some signs of coming around. Ziva was sitting with him when that happened; Gibbs was at home doing his exercises, while Abby and Ducky were both at the Navy Yard.  
  
The next time was during the night and he was alone; the nurse told the others the next day about it, and although Dr. Patterson would have liked it better if Tony showed more improvement, he didn't say anything to his visitors and decided to wait and see what would happen next.  
  
Finally, it was a day and a half later, when Tony actually woke up. It was around noon and this time Abby was there with him.  
  
Tony blinked a few times, but couldn't keep his eyes open longer than a few seconds.  
  
"Tony? Tony, please don't go back to sleep again. _Please_. We've been waiting way too long. Come on, wake up."  
  
"Hmm, 'bs?"  
  
"YES." She all but squeaked which made Tony flinch and a second later the nurses rushed into his room.  
  
"Ms. Sciuto." One of the nurses chided as the others left the room.  
  
"Sorry, sorry." Abby put her right hand over her mouth. "It's just... He... He said my name. He knows me. He doesn't have amnesia. And he can talk and OK maybe it wasn't really intelligible, but-"  
  
"Abby, please." Tony's voice was hoarse, but it was clear what he was saying.  
  
The nurse smiled. "I'll page Dr. Patterson. Try not to kill our patient before his doctor comes. OK?"  
  
Abby nodded shyly and turned to Tony. "O my God, Tony. You have no idea how happy I am. You are fine. I mean, well, OK, maybe you're not really and completely fine; but you're fine enough. You're awake and you know me and you can talk and you-"  
  
Tony coughed and winced.  
  
"And you want some water. Wait, I'll get some water for you."  
  
"No."  
  
Abby turned around to the voice. "Huh?"  
  
"No." The nurse repeated. "You can't give him water now. I'll go get him some ice chips." She turned around and left.  
  
"What's her problem?" Tony mumbled.  
  
"Oh, that's probably because the injury to your intestine, you remember that you were shot three times, right? One of the bullets pierced your small intestine and they had to remove a small part of it and now-"  
  
"What?" Tony's eyes snapped open as he panted.  
  
"Oh, sorry. I should've waited for your doctor."  
  
The pain was so much that Tony couldn't keep his eyes open, he shut them and clenched his teeth. "Whu-.." He coughed and grimaced. "Happened?"  
  
"Oh, a lot has happened. The last one I can remember right now is that the night shift nurse broke up with her boyfriend because she found him sleeping with another girl. How sad is that? And from what I've heard, the guy wasn't even ashamed of-"  
  
"Abs?" Tony croaked.  
  
"Oh, right. You don't know which nurse I'm talking about."  
  
"I don't really care." He coughed again. "GAAH, dammit." He cursed.  
  
"You're in pain? Of course you're in pain, I'll just go grab a nurse and make her give you something for that. Wait a second." And with that she was gone.  
  
Despite the excruciating pain, Tony couldn't help the smile that formed on his lips; he loved it when Abby got so excited that she couldn't remember what really mattered at the moment.  
  
"Agent DiNozzo? Good to see you finally awake."  
  
Tony opened his eyes for a second to look at the new comer before squeezing them shut again.  
  
"You're in pain, huh?" The doctor said. "That's understandable. I'm Doctor Patterson, by the way."  
  
"Yeah, I'm sure you know me." Tony whispered. "Call me Tony, though."  
  
"Tony it is, then." The man smiled. "Good to hear your voice; you had us worried there when you wouldn't wake up completely."  
  
"Can you-" Tony gritted. "Pain, doc."  
  
"Yes, in a minute. On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate your pain?"  
  
"Which par' 'f m' body 'r we talkin' abt? I'm on fire." Tony forced the words out, not noticing how badly he was slurring. "This thin' doesn' work." He brought the PCA pump up.  
  
The doctor frowned and checked his pulse, before telling the nurse to give him another dose of morphine.  
  
A few minutes later, Tony seemed more at ease.  
  
"You feeling any better?" The doctor asked.  
  
"Much." Tony sighed.  
  
"Good. Now, I need to give you a look over and then Sasha will give you some ice chips and you can get back to sleep."  
  
"Wanna know what's wrong." Tony said drowsily.  
  
"All in due time, Tony." The older man patted Tony's arm and looked up at Abby. "Ms. Sciuto, if you could leave us alone for some minutes."  
  
Tony opened his eyes and looked around in confusion when he heard the doctor talking to Abby.  
  
"Sure, I'll be just outside, Tony." she squeezed Tony's arm.  
  
Tony had no idea when she had returned but smiled at her tiredly and watched her leave.  
  
.  
  
.  
  
 **... TBC ...**


	5. Chapter 5

Half an hour later, when finally Dr. Patterson walked out of Tony's room, he found Gibbs waiting there. "Thought you couldn't come in during the mornings."  
  
"Abby called me. How's Tony?"  
  
"Better than what we expected. So far, he's not showing any signs of brain damage, but we will run some more tests when he feels a little better. He's in a great deal of pain at the moment, but we can't give him any more painkillers and in his condition, I'd rather not sedate him."  
  
"So he's gonna be fine?" Gibbs' lips curled into a smile.  
  
"It's too soon to say anything for sure. But I don't see any reason not to be optimist. You can go inside and stay with him if you want. He's dozing off, though."  
  
Gibbs nodded his thanks and let Abby wheel him to Tony's room. "I gotta go back to the Navy Yard, Gibbs. I'll tell Ducky and Ziva about Tony."  
  
"Tell Ducky to get me some coffee on his way. Okay?"  
  
"You really can wait that long? Impressive." She giggled and kissed both Gibbs and the seemingly asleep Tony before leaving.  
  
"She's right. It's impressive." Tony cracked his eyes open slightly.  
  
"About time you decided to join us." Gibbs smiled.  
  
"How are you?"  
  
"Shouldn't that be _my_ line, DiNozzo?" Gibbs's left eyebrow arched, showing he was clearly amused.  
  
"I think it's obvious how I am. You doing any better?" Tony sounded really tired.  
  
"I'm fine. I'm not the one in the hospital bed."  
  
"Ziva and Tim?" The last Tony remembered they were both fine; he could now remember what had exactly happened during the shootout, but according to everyone else, he'd been unconscious for almost 4 days, so anything could have happened while he had been taking a nap.  
  
"They're both fine. They found the last shooter a couple of days ago; the case is closed. You saved McGee's life. Good work."  
  
"Jus' did my job." He mumbled.  
  
Gibbs wanted to remind Tony that having your partner's six wasn't the same as taking a bullet for them; that once again Tony had gone above and beyond the call of duty to save someone else; but didn't know how Tony would react to that kind of compliment right after waking up; especially since Tony was so protective of everyone else that he actually thought of it as his duty to save them at any cost to himself; so he just repeated himself, "Good work."  
  
They both went silent and Gibbs thought Tony had fallen asleep but then the younger man cracked his eyes open and studied Gibbs through half closed eyes. "Shouldn't you be at home, doing your exercises?"  
  
"Trying to get rid of me, DiNozzo?"  
  
"I'm just saying you don't have to stay here." Tony smiled coldly. "You wanted to get rid of me, looks like you got your wish granted." Normally, Tony would just hide his feelings and pretend like he hadn't been hurt, but with the painkillers they had given him and his throbbing headache he didn't have the strength to keep his mask on or to filter his words.  
  
Gibbs fought down the wince. "About that," he cleared his throat. "I didn't mean a single word I said that night. I... I'm really grateful for what you've done for me. I probably would've gone crazy if not for you."  
  
Tony was silent for a few seconds. "I... I liked being there. It-" he sighed. "Forget it. You're gonna get up from that chair way sooner than I can leave this bed."  
  
The older man looked away for a second before saying, "Well, maybe it's time I returned the favor."  
  
Gibbs didn't know why, but from the look on Tony's face he knew that he hadn't said the right thing.  
  
Tony's eyes hardened like ice. "Gibbs, I didn't do you a favor and I sure didn't do what I did because I wanted you to return it one day. You don't owe me shit. You really should go home."  
  
Gibbs blinked. "What? That's not what I-"  
  
"You look worse than I do. No need for you to waste your time here. It's not my first time staying alone in a hospital; like you said, I don't have many friends, but at least I'm used to it by now."  
  
Gibbs closed his eyes briefly. Dammit, he hoped he'd imagined saying that part. Had he really said those words to Tony? He felt like a royal ass. "It's not-"  
  
Tony cut him off. "It'll be a while before I can get back on my feet and by then I'm sure you and Vance will have found the proper replacement. Just tell Vance that I resign if he wants to send me afloat."  
  
 _'Here we go.'_ Gibbs thought. ' _How come he believes every negative word anyone says, but never believes it when they apologize?'_ "I don't want you off my team, DiNozzo. Didn't you hear me? I didn't mean what I said that night. I depend on you. The team depends on you."  
  
"Why would you say those words if you didn't mean them?"  
  
"Oh, come on! I was drunk for God's sake."  
  
"Being drunk just makes you be blunter, it doesn't make you lie." Tony robbed his forehead with his left hand.  
  
"Whoever said that?"  
  
Tony's gaze sharpened. "My father gets drunk all the time, remember? I think I have enough experience in that field."  
  
 _'Of course. Your damn father.'_ Gibbs sighed. "Maybe, but that's not true all the time. Being drunk and hurt can make you say things you don't mean. It can make you want to see other people hurt, because it makes you feel you're not the only one hurting. Misery loves company."  
  
Tony didn't respond; what Gibbs said was true and deep down Tony knew it, he just was too tired to accept it. _'Maybe later.'_ He thought to himself.  
  
"Not everyone is like your father, Tony. But your father doesn't mean what he says, either."  
  
"Ah, Jesus." Tony rolled his eyes even though it hurt like hell. "You know what? Forget it, Gibbs. I'm not in a caring and sharing mood; not sure how _you_ are, since you've always hated it. Why don't you leave so I can sleep? And then we'll both forget everything."  
  
"Yeah." Gibbs said quietly. "You need some rest. I'll be here when you wake up."  
  
"Don't bother." Tony mumbled before drifting off.  
  
Gibbs just sat there, for the first time not knowing what to do.  
  
He knew that the pain was clouding Tony's mind and the younger man would probably be calmer the next time he woke up, but Gibbs couldn't blame him even if he wasn't any better.  
  
He'd been cruel towards Tony.  
  
True, he was feeling miserable, but was that really a good excuse to treat Tony like dirt?  
  
And it wasn't just this last time. He knew that he hasn't always been fair to Tony.  
  
He kept pushing Tony just because he knew the younger man wouldn't hold a grudge and most of the times it was almost too late before he could fix his mistake or could take back his not so nice words in a way that at the end both men would pretend like nothing had happened.  
  
That made Gibbs think about the day that he got shot.  
  
When he'd woken up in the hospital, not feeling his legs, he'd thought it was the end for him. It wasn't just an end to his career, but an end to everything.  
  
Gibbs wasn't really one to feel sorry for himself, but thinking about being stuck in a damn stupid wheelchair for the rest of his life was too much to take, and so he'd become grumpier.  
  
No one on his team let him stay alone, though.  
  
Despite his words and growling, they'd always show up and they kept trying to cheer him up. Ducky, Abby and Tony would come more than others. And Tony had stayed by his side and had encouraged him, very subtly of course, to do his exercises. The younger man was more certain than Gibbs himself about the older man's full recovery.  
  
So now wasn't the time for Gibbs to step back.  
  
He knew that Tony's condition was different and he wouldn't be much of help to the younger man, what with being still weak and in a wheelchair.  
  
But he still could support Tony in many other ways. He just needed to get back to his stubborn self so he wouldn't let Tony push him away.  
  
But more importantly it was the only way to show his friend how sorry he felt and that he really wanted the younger agent in his life.  
  
.  
  
.  
  
 **... TBC ...**


	6. Chapter 6

It was the pain that woke Tony up a couple of hours later.  
  
He pushed the button of the PCA pump but it didn't bring him any comfort. He wanted to yell but even that seemed impossible; he'd never experienced so much pain in his life; or if he had, he couldn't remember it at that moment.  
  
Fortunately someone was there and apparently saw how much pain he was in, because the next thing he knew, the person was squeezing his shoulder and telling him to take deep breaths; and then the same person was arguing with someone else in the room.  
  
"What's the point of using that pump if it's not gonna reduce his pain?"  
  
"Mr. Gibbs. It's the first day he's woken up; it's not unexpected for him to be in so much pain. But we can't give him anything too strong." She injected some medicine into Tony's IV. "This will do the trick." She said and walked out.  
  
A few minutes later, Tony's breathing evened out.  
  
"You feeling any better?" Gibbs asked.  
  
"Much." Tony croaked. "Gibbs?" He tried to open his eyes but the pain stopped him.  
  
"Yeah, who else?"  
  
Tony was silent for a few more seconds and when he finally spoke his voice was a bit stronger. "You really need to take it easy, Boss. It's not good for your back to sit up for so long." He didn't know how long he'd been out, but he could remember Gibbs being there earlier.  
  
"It's been just a couple of hours. I'll go home at night." He said ruefully and Tony felt it in his voice.  
  
"You should. Look, about earlier. Umm, I didn't say anything stupid, did I?" Tony wasn't sure how he'd reacted and what he'd said.  
  
Gibbs grinned slightly. "No, but after the last two months, you have every right to say stupid things to me."  
  
"Just the last two months?" Tony smirked.  
  
Gibbs smacked the top of his head very lightly.  
  
"Aww, Please, Boss. I..." He tried to keep the pain at bay. "I don't think I can stand any of your headslaps now. Can you give them to Tim for a while?"  
  
Gibbs winced inwardly at the pain in the younger man's voice. "Oh, I would, if I knew where the hell he was." He growled.  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?"  
  
Gibbs noticed that Tony was keeping his eyes almost shut. _'The headache must be really bad.'_ "After they closed the case, Vance gave the whole team some days off and then they'll be assigned to other teams; since then he's gone AWOL."  
  
"Why would he do that?" Tony frowned.  
  
"I'd say guilt."  
  
"Guilt?" Tony winced when he turned his head towards Gibbs and the light hit his eyes more directly. "What has he done?"  
  
"I don't know, seems like he feels guilty for you getting shot."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"You got hurt saving his life." Gibbs stated succinctly.  
  
"So what? It wasn't the first time. We're supposed to have each other's back." Tony observed.  
  
"Answer my question first, that true that they would question your every order?"  
  
"That's what this is about?" Tony blinked and kept his eyes open despite the killer headache.  
  
"Is that true?" Gibbs pushed.  
  
"Well yeah, but it was much better this time."  
  
"This time?" Blue eyes narrowed. "So it's true that they didn't listen to you when I was in Mexico either."  
  
"That's ancient, Gibbs." Tony rolled his eyes. " And they questioned my orders, yes, but they'd eventually do what they were told; you think I'd let them get away with disobeying my orders? And, It wasn't his fault I got shot. None of us expected the firefight. I just happened to see the shooter sooner than those two."  
  
"You're my best agent for a reason."  
  
"Thanks, I guess."  
  
"You guess?"  
  
"Well, No. I mean, er, it sounded kinda... Umm-"  
  
"Offhand?" Gibbs helped. "Where is McGee when I need to slap him?"  
  
Tony laughed and grimaced. "Aw, remind me not to do that."  
  
"You should've reported them." Gibbs jumped back to the old subject.  
  
"That wouldn't do anyone any good." Tony sighed & closed his eyes and sighed in relief. "Like I said, at least they were better this time."  
  
"Maybe it's not such a bad thing if he feels a little guilty, then. Maybe next time he'd pay more attention to your orders."  
  
"Even if it's true, don't you think he's been feeling guilty enough?" He rubbed his temple with his fingers.  
  
"Not like I could do anything about it. I haven't even seen them."  
  
Tony sighed. "Maybe it's not guilt." He opened his eyes again, not remembering when he'd closed them.  
  
"Judging by what Abby and Ziva said I'm pretty sure it is guilt."  
  
Tony opened his mouth to say something but coughed and the pain rushed through his body.  
  
"You should get some sleep. Let the meds work."  
  
"Tired of sleeping."  
  
"What about getting up and running a few miles? Sleep is all you can do, DiNozzo. You need to get back on your feet before Vance decides to build another MCRT."  
  
"Are you drunk, Boss?" The question seemed totally irrelevant.  
  
"What?"  
  
"You're talking a lot. You just do that when you're drunk." Tony noted sarcastically.  
  
"And you're this close to receive a headslap."  
  
"Shutting up."  
  
Gibbs smirked. "Good."  
  
Tony sighed.  
  
Gibbs hesitated for a moment. "Thank you."  
  
"What for?" Tony looked puzzled.  
  
"Everything. Not sure how you could stand me the past month."  
  
"Oh, that. Well, you weren't much worse than the past 11 years." Tony smirked and even though it was far from his usual bright mischievous smirks, it was nice to see it on his face.  
  
"That so?" Gibbs' tone had a dangerous edge to it.  
  
"Absolutely not. Just joking. You're all kind and nice every other day." Tony smiled sheepishly.  
  
"That's what I thought."  
  
And a few minutes later Tony was fast asleep.  
  
"I mean it, Tony. Thank you." Gibbs reached out and squeezed the other man's arm.  
  
It had been a close call. Too close, and the whole time that Gibbs had spent by Tony's side or alone in the house, he thought about the appreciation that he hadn't shown the younger man.  
  
He knew that Tony was aware that he liked having him around. He'd tried to show it in his way a couple of times, but he felt that it hadn't been enough; that maybe he was paying for his cruelness, because he hadn't been appreciative of the good things he had.  
  
And although Tony hadn't brought up their argument from earlier that day because he probably couldn't remember clearly, Gibbs knew that Tony was once again back to his normal self and was hiding behind his many masks.  
  
Gibbs could say that the lighthearted comments and banter wasn't because Tony had forgotten his hurtful words, but it was merely because the younger man had been the target of those kind of comments way too many times and so he'd gotten perfect in hiding his feelings.  
  
He still had to make sure Tony knew he could trust him with his personal issues again, but that was for another time.  
  
At that moment, he had something else to take care of.  
  
He wheeled himself out and called Abby. "Abs. yeah... Yeah... Yeah." He rolled his eyes. "Abby. Stop... Good. Listen, I need you to trace McGee's phone and find him. Tell him that I want him in the hospital in one hour or he can look for another job." He smirked. "Yeah, you do that. Good girl."  
  
He'd talked to Tony and though he still needed to show his senior field agent that he was indeed appreciated and needed, he knew that they were on the right track. Now was the time to bring his other agent on the right track. Besides, he needed to take care of that problem, so Tony had one less thing to worry about.  
  
About 45 minutes later Abby walked through the hospital doors, literally dragging McGee behind herself.  
  
"Nice of you to join us." Gibbs snarled.  
  
McGee gulped. "Hi, Boss."  
  
"Your teammate, your acting Team Leader is down and you didn't bother to visit him even once. Why?" Gibbs knew the reason and knew that he was playing dirty, but thought that it was just fair to scare the young agent a little.  
  
The younger man could be really arrogant sometimes; he needed to know that insubordination wasn't accepted in Gibbs' team and even though not coming to visit Tony had nothing to do with that problem, it still was an issue that needed to be addressed. "Don't you care what happens to your teammate? Do you really think you're that good that he doesn't deserve a little of your precious time?"  
  
"What?" McGee's eyes were wide. "No, Boss. I... I swear. That's not the reason. I... I-"  
  
Abby took pity on him and decided to help. "He feels guilty." That didn't mean that she wasn't more than ready to participate in Gibbs' mind game.  
  
"Guilty? And why is that? Are you the reason he was shot? Because I still don't know what exactly happened out there. Is he hurt because you didn't have his back? I heard you were questioning his orders constantly."  
  
McGee turned a whiter shade of pale. "Boss, I can explain."  
  
"Good, that's what I'm waiting for."  
  
McGee looked away and swallowed hard, he actually had no explanation. "I- I... I had his back. I swear. I'm sorry I questioned him, but I never wanted this to happen and I wasn't arguing or questioning his orders when it happened. I just didn't see the shooter. We didn't expect it."  
  
"That happens to everyone. Especially when you're not experienced enough. Why do you feel guilty then?"  
  
"That bullet was for me." McGee mumbled.  
  
"Which one? Tony was hit three times."  
  
"He wouldn't have been if it wasn't for me. When he pushed me out of the way, he exposed himself to the hail of bullets and that's why he got hit three times." The young agent looked dangerously close to tears.  
  
"So he just saved your life." The team leader concluded.  
  
McGee nodded.  
  
"Is that the first time he's done so?" Gibbs asked.  
  
McGee blinked. "Well, No. But-"  
  
"But what, Tim? He'd done it before and you've never felt or acted this way."  
  
"It's the first time that he-" he dropped his gaze. "He almost died."  
  
"It was not your fault. In our job, we're supposed to have each other's backs. Yes, he went beyond the call of duty, but that's DiNozzo for you. He wouldn't let anyone get hurt on his watch. Not if he can help it." Gibbs paused to make sure McGee was following him and then continued, "You'll answer for your insubordination, but Tony told me that it wasn't your fault he got shot and from what you just told me, I can say that he isn't just trying to cover up for you."  
  
"Like many other times that he has." Abby added pointedly.  
  
McGee looked down; he knew what they said was true. He might never show it, but he'd learned that during his years in NCIS, Tony had helped him a lot and had saved him from Gibbs' wrath or the formal reprimands, time and again.  
  
"He's asleep now, but you better be here tomorrow morning. He doesn't believe me when I say you're fine."  
  
"I'll come back. Thanks, Boss." McGee smiled. "I... Um... Can I see him before leaving?" He asked tentatively.  
  
"Ask the nurse, but I think she'll let you in for a few minutes."  
  
.  
  
.  
  
 **... TBC ...**


	7. Chapter 7

Hesitating for a few seconds outside Tony's room, McGee thought about turning around and leaving. He didn't know how he could thank the senior agent or apologize for not showing up sooner or for getting him shot; but glancing back, he saw Gibbs and Abby still outside the ICU doors and it was clear that he wouldn't be able to leave hospital before visiting Tony. At least not if he wanted to see the daylight again.  
  
Taking a deep breath, he finally stepped inside, hoping to find Tony fast asleep just like his nurse had said. If the older man was asleep then McGee could pay a quick visit and leave. That way he would know how Tony was doing and would be more ready the next time.  
  
Even though Tony was asleep, McGee didn't feel any relief seeing him. The man in that bed was anything but the Tony he knew. Apart from the time that Tony had been in the hospital for having the plague, McGee had never seen him in a hospital bed before. And even back then, Tony hadn't looked like this; he'd heard that it'd been bad, but by the time he'd finally found his way to the hospital, Tony was out of isolation area and was doing better.  
  
Taking one step back, he was about to bolt out when a hoarse voice stopped him.  
  
"Running away so fast, Probie?" Tony's eyes were still close and McGee had no idea how he'd realized that it was him.  
  
"You'll learn that one day." Tony replied, as if he knew what the younger man was thinking about. He cracked an eye open and closed it immediately as the dim light in the room stung his eye and aggravated his headache.  
  
McGee opened his mouth to say something, but nothing left his mouth.  
  
"Relax, McGee." Tony whispered. "And I'm not gonna bite, you don't have to stay over there."  
  
"Tony... I-... I mean... Well..."  
  
Despite the pain, Tony opened his eyes again and assessed the younger man. "Just spit it out."  
  
"Sorry."  
  
"Not your fault." Tony sighed and closed his eyes.  
  
"But-"  
  
Sighing, Tony opened his eyes slightly and regarded the Junior Agent. "No buts, McGee. We do what we do and we move on." Tony cut him off. "I'm not sure what you think of me, but I know how to do my job and I always have my partner's back."  
  
"I know that."  
  
"Then why are you so perplexed? You act like you didn't expect me to save your life."  
  
"It's not that Tony." McGee finally found his voice, "I know you'd always have my back; I never doubted that. You've done that for all of us before. It's just... I... I couldn't come here and visit you, because despite what everyone says, I blame myself; if it wasn't for me, you wouldn't be in this condition."  
  
"I'm not dead; I'll be alright. And no matter how good you think you are, you couldn't prevent this; it was you or me."  
  
 _'And you chose it to be you.'_ "You saw that shooter; I should've seen him too. I could dodge or something."  
  
Tony pondered for a few seconds and nodded. "Yeah, you could. But don't worry, you'll get there; but anyways, what's done is done. Move on, McGuilty."  
  
"I-" McGee sighed. "God, how do you do that, Tony? You just took three bullets for me. One would think you'd want to harass me for the rest of my life; I mean I know I'm indebted to you, but wouldn't you want to rub it in my face?"  
  
"That's what this is about?" Tony sounded shocked. "Oh, of course, it is. What was I thinking?" He shook his head slightly. "You do _not_ owe me." He gritted out. "Just how shallow do you think I am? Huh, Tim?" His heart rate was rising and McGee found himself scared.  
  
"Oh, no... No nonono. Please, calm down, Tony. It came out wrong."  
  
Tony took a deep breath. "Yeah, right."  
  
McGee noted that Tony's hands and teeth were clenched, but wasn't sure if it was because of pain or anger. "Tony, please. I didn't mean it like that. I just thought... Well, I thought-"  
  
"You thought what, McGee? How could you? Why do you think I chose this job? So I could harass those I save? Have I ever done such a thing before to you or anyone else? Because if I recall correctly, it hasn't been the first time I've done my job correctly." Tony still didn't believe he'd done anything extraordinary; just his job and it hurt to think there were people like McGee who thought he did his job because he wanted the recognition.  
  
McGee felt ashamed. He'd worked with Tony for over eight years and he still didn't know him the way he should. Or he did and he just couldn't keep his mouth shut.  
  
"Sorry. You're right. I'm just saying that I'm the reason you're hurt and you forgave me so easily, I'm not sure I could do that." He sighed.  
  
That confession seemed to have the desired effect, because Tony calmed down and turned his head towards McGee. "Yes, you would."  
  
How could Tony have so much faith in him? And especially after everything that he'd done. He knew that Tony was a great agent and even a better man, but it always amazed him when Tony would let them see a glimpse of the real him. "I'm sorry, Tony. Really."  
  
"Whatever."  
  
"Not just for what I said, I mean I'm sorry for that and I didn't mean it that way; but I'm sorry I questioned your orders. It's just that you act like it's nothing important or isn't hard at all and well, it kinda irritates me. We sometimes work our asses off to find something and you slack and goof off and then suddenly you have the information that we've been trying so hard to find. And the times that you, for some reasons, would concentrate too much on the job, there's nothing for us to do."  
  
" _You_ 've accepted the idea of me being a slacker. It's not my fault you can't see beyond the surface, McGee. Eight years, _eight years_ , Tim and you still don't know me. I don't know if I should be thrilled for being so good at deflecting people or disappointed that my teammates, my so-called friends think I'm so shallow. And you're supposed to be one of the best investigators."  
  
"That has never been me." McGee shrugged resignedly. "I'm always more of a computer geek. I've learned a lot during these years, but when I look at you and Gibbs, I know it's just not in me to be that good."  
  
Tony frowned. "You're not just saying this to ease your guilt, are you?"  
  
"No, I just never admitted it out loud, but I've always known it. I don't think you're shallow or anything; like I said, you're too good at what you do and maybe that's what that..." He paused and his eyes widened. "Oh, I just said that I'm jealous."  
  
"Yes, McGee. You kinda did. You sure you're alright?"  
  
"I wanted to be better." Tim shook his head. "I had reasons to believe that I _am_ better than you and it's kinda hard to see that I'm wrong. Almost every day."  
  
"You're revealing too many secrets there; you're not gonna kill me after this conversation, are you, McMafia?" Tony had never been comfortable when being praised. Yes, he did want his friends and teammates to know him better than that, but to say it aloud? No! He really wasn't good at accepting praise.  
  
"You see that? That right there?" McGee threw his hands in the air. "That's the thing that has led us to this point. Not here in the hospital, of course. I'm talking about this conversation. You don't take anything seriously and well, come on, you should know that little by little people will stop taking you seriously. You should stop it."  
  
"No, Tim. I might not take things seriously, but you tend to be too serious, and that's dangerous in our job. The job is hard enough; we don't need to make it harder. If we don't do something ourselves to get rid of the tension, then we'll crash and burn."  
  
McGee looked away, he knew Tony was right. "I know."  
  
"Then why do you act that way? Why are you OK with me when we're alone and the moment that Ziva is there with you, or you find another ally, you turn your back on me and start treating me like I'm dumb?"  
  
"It's just teasing."  
  
"Teasing isn't supposed to cut deeply and it sure isn't supposed to be aimed at just _one_ person all the time. You do that more than three times in a row and everybody will think you're aiming for something more important." Tony closed his eyes again and sighed in relief when the burning pain subsided, albeit a bit.  
  
"I- Umm, I don't know what to say."  
  
Tony was quiet for a few seconds, praying his head would stop throbbing before he had to open his eyes agian. "You don't wanna lie." Tony heard what Tim didn't want to admit. "You thought you're better as you said it yourself and you were sure you were more competent than I could ever be, even though you knew I wasn't the SFA just because I was there longer than you. That's why you couldn't follow my orders. We can't keep going like this if you can't accept me as your immediate superior. I'm not pulling ranks; I'm just saying that you should learn to obey orders when you have to. Your arrogance might pull you up for a while, but later it'll drop you down and when it happens it'll hurt so bad that you probably wouldn't be able to stand up again. We saw something in you, McGee. Gibbs knew you could be a good agent and I knew he was right and I had to toughen you up because Gibbs left you in my hands and there was no way you could survive like that more than two months. But I never wanted you to be so arrogant that you wouldn't see your own flaws or other people's skills."

Tim nodded and looked down.

"Things gotta change." Tony repeated himself.  
  
"I'll happily team up with you against Ziva." Tim suggested after some long seconds of awkward silence. Tony would rarely talk to him so seriously but whenever he did, his words would affect him like nothing else could.  
  
That brought a smile to Tony's face. "We'll discuss that later." He shifted on his bed and winced.  
  
Tim caught that as a hint and decided it was time to let Tony get some rest. "You want me to call the nurse?"  
  
"No, she'll show up in a few minutes, anyway."  
  
"Thanks. You know? For everything, more importantly for saving me life. Again."  
  
"Anytime, McGoo."  
  
"Just one more thing: Why do you keep closing your eyes?"  
  
"Ah, hate to break it to you, but you really aren't easy on the eyes." Tony smirked.  
  
"Have you looked in a mirror lately?"  
  
"I'm in hospital bed for a reason; what's your excuse?" Tony growled.  
  
"Shut up." Tim rolled his eyes. "I... Um, I'll come back later. I promised I wouldn't stay longer than five minutes." He checked his watch and his eyes widened. "Oh, crap; it's been nearly an hour. I wonder what kept the nurses away." He thought for a second and then shook his head. "Or not."  
  
"Gibbs is still out there?" Tony asked in disbelief, reading between the lines.  
  
"Yup, along with Abby."  
  
"Then you really should go. Gibbs needs to get back home and rest."  
  
"OK, I'm going. I'll see you tomorrow."  
  
"Hmm, get out already." Tony shooed him out with his good hand.  
  
McGee murmured a ' _thanks_ ' and walked out of the room, feeling a lot lighter than when he'd stepped in the hospital. He could positively say that the crushing burden had left his shoulders. He didn't hear Tony's soft 'a _nytime_ ', but knew that he had to show Tony how thankful he really was. He was determined to show the older agent that he could still learn and wouldn't let his ambition and arrogance stop him from becoming the good agent Tony and Gibbs had seen in him many years ago.  
  
.  
  
.  
  
 **... TBC ...**


	8. Chapter 8

Finally things started to get better day by day in a steady way; they moved Tony out of the ICU after one week and after the first visit Tim felt more courageous to go back to visit Tony.  
  
Even after two weeks, Tony wasn't allowed to move around much; not like he really could if he was allowed! The pain had subsided to somewhat more bearable level, but an abdominal injury was no laughing matter.  
  
The worst part was the headache, though. It'd been more than one week from the moment Tony had woken up and he couldn't remember a second without the pain, even in his sleep he wasn't completely pain free. He would keep his eyes shut as much as possible to avoid the light, though.  
  
"How was your day?" Gibbs asked when Tony finally woke up. It seemed like he was sleeping too much lately, but that was totally understandable.  
  
"Boring." He yawned. "How about yours?"  
  
"Can move around much better. Not allowed though."  
  
"That sucks, huh?"  
  
"You think?"  
  
"Actually I know for a fact."  
  
"Yeah, you do now." Gibbs nodded.  
  
Tony didn't say anything in return; he just took a deep breath and closed his eyes.  
  
"The headache still there?"  
  
"Huh?" Tony cracked an eye open at that.  
  
"You might hide it from everyone else, but I can see right through your acts. Plus, your doctor doesn't really care about confidentiality since I'm your next of kin."  
  
"That jerk." Tony growled.  
  
"That's a yes, then."  
  
"I just wish it would go away. What if they don't let me get back to work like this?"  
  
Gibbs sighed. "DiNozzo, it's been just one week. You've got a long road ahead of you and by the time you recover and get back on your feet, your headache will be long gone."  
  
The truth was that the scans of his head weren't really promising. Gibbs hadn't said a word about that to Tony, but Dr. Patterson had told him that he might never get rid of the headaches.  
Of course, there were some options for him, and by following some procedures, he could get back to work. But Gibbs didn't want to think about those options unless it was absolutely necessary!  
  
In his opinion, it was too soon to say the last word.  
  
"You remember the thing you said about my doctor not caring about keeping things to himself?" Green eyes met blue.  
  
Gibbs frowned, slightly confused.  
  
"He told me about the result of my scans, even though you've apparently warned him against him. I know I'm likely to have these headaches for the rest of my life."  
  
Gibbs cursed under his breath. "It's been just one week."  
  
"I don't really care. It's OK if I can control it with painkillers and keep doing my job." Tony shrugged with his good shoulder. "I hate this pain, but what I hate more is not being able to eat normal food. That sucks out loud." He looked down at his belly; trying to deflect Gibbs' attention from his headache; he didn't want to discuss that or his feelings about it with anyone.  
  
"Yeah, I bet it does." There was a hint of amusement in Gibbs' voice.  
  
"You're enjoying it." That was a statement.  
  
Gibbs rolled his eyes, but didn't try to hide his smirk. "You not being able to eat will be torturous for us, why should I enjoy it?"  
  
"You do. I can see it in your eyes."  
  
"Your eyes are hardly open."  
  
"They were open when you said that and I can hear it in your voice, anyway." He paused. "And now that you mentioned it, isn't that a little annoying to talk to me while I try to keep my eyes closed? I mean I would've opened them more, but... Well, all I'm saying is that maybe you should go."  
  
"I'm used to you being annoying." Gibbs teased.  
  
"I think you'd really better go before I say something that would warrant a headslap."  
  
Gibbs smirked. "I can give it to McGee for you."  
  
"You would do that?" Tony's eyes snapped open as his sly grin reached them. "Does that mean that McGee will receive my headslaps from now on? I'm in enough misery." He tried to reason innocently.  
  
"You're not faking those headaches to get back at McGee, are you?" Gibbs narrowed his eyes.  
  
"I don't know what you're talking about." Tony smirked. "I think I'll catch some shut-eye now, if you don't mind." He really was tired.  
  
Gibbs was about to say that he'd just woken up, but the line of pain on Tony's pale face stopped him. It was clearly taking a great effort for Tony to hide his pain and to keep up with his usual banter; so the Lead Agent just patted the younger man's arm and said, "You do that, I'll see you tomorrow."  
  
"Yeah, Boss. Get well, soon." Tony replied.  
  
"Same goes for you. Now shut up and sleep."  
  
"Sure." he smiled.  
  
Tony might be getting too much sleep, but he was definitely getting better and what better way to get rid of pain than sleeping?  
  
.  
  
...  
  
.  
  
Two months later, Tony was finally able to get back to office; Gibbs had returned a couple of weeks earlier and had retrieved his team and the team was just waiting for the SFA to get back to work so it could function right again.  
  
Vance was more than happy to have his MCRT back in action. The other teams were good; they just weren't Gibbs and his people and couldn't do what they did.  
  
Once Gibbs returned, things started to fall into place for the first time since the day Tony'd got shot, but it had yet to get back to normal.  
  
That was why the day Tony stepped into the bullpen, wearing his sunglasses and looking like he'd lost a few good pounds and still a little pale, almost everyone stopped by to welcome him back.  
  
Due to his abdominal injury, Tony still wasn't able to eat everything he liked, but he was getting there and his leg and shoulder were completely healed after a long period of physical therapy.  
  
The headache was still there, though. Gibbs and Ducky were the only people who knew about those headaches and were watching the younger man closely for signs of any intense pain, in case Tony pushed himself too hard.

He'd been cleared for field duty, but he'd promised Gibbs that if his headache got bad, he'd take his pills and would even take some rest if needed. But they all knew that Tony never cared much about his limits and was too stubborn to accept that he needed rest or, God forbid, painkillers.  
  
"Tony, you're back." Tim exclaimed when he got to the bullpen and found Tony standing by his desk.  
  
"Seems like the vacation has been good for your observation skills, huh McObservant?" Tony grinned.  
  
"No, yes. I mean we heard that you wouldn't come back for another week." The younger man stuttered a little. It was clear that even though they had talked a lot, he still felt a little uncomfortable and guilty.  
  
"And you actually believed it? Aww, it means I have to work on you harder. You're still too naive, Probie." Tony sighed dramatically.  
  
The teasing was all McGee needed to finally shrug off the guilt he was carrying around since the shooting. He knew that Tony didn't blame him, but he couldn't help wondering how Tony would treat him once he was back to work.  
  
It seemed like despite the long time away, Tony wasn't holding anything against him and was more than happy to be back and had already forgotten the arduous process that he'd been forced to go through in order to just get back on his feet.  
  
"So, how are you feeling?"  
  
"Perfect. I'm back, everything is just great." Tony eased himself into his chair and fought down a wince; the truth was that he didn't feel that good. The headache was a little worse than usual since Tony had gotten up earlier that morning and he was reluctant to admit that it was getting the better of him. It was his first day back, after all. "So where is everyone? They trying to throw me a party or something?"  
  
The next thing he felt was a searing pain running through his head as Gibbs' hand connected solidly with the back of his head. "How about that for a party, DiNozzo?"  
  
Tony couldn't hold back the moan that escaped his throat as he grasped the edge of his desk with one hand, pressing the other one to his forehead; his teeth were clenched hard and Gibbs seemed like he'd just been electrocuted, because he suddenly stopped in his tracks and looked back at Tony; his eyes filled with concern and something else that McGee couldn't name but was very much like guilt and remorse.  
  
' _Damn, it's gonna be hard to overcome that habit.'_ Gibbs thought ruefully. "Tony, you alright?"  
  
"Yeah." Tony said quietly, but he still hadn't been able to open his eyes. "Yeah, I'm fine, Boss. Just give me a second."  
  
"I forgot. Sorry."  
  
McGee's eyes widened. Did Gibbs just apologize? And for slapping Tony?  
  
"It's OK." Tony smiled and carefully opened his eyes.  
  
"Have you taken your pills?"  
  
"Boss." Tony growled.  
  
"They're your teammates, DiNozzo. They'll eventually find out."  
  
"Find out what?" Ziva chose that exact moment to arrive. "Oh, hi, Tony. I told Tim you would come back any day now but he did not believe me. Good to have you back but what were you trying to hide from us?" she stood in front of Tony's desk, demanding answers the way she always did.  
  
Tony would've rolled his eyes if he didn't think it would intensify his headache. When was Ziva going to learn how to talk differently to different people? It was like she was always trying to interrogate everyone.  
  
"He has a headache." Gibbs said curtly.  
  
"Umm, Okaaaay?" McGee didn't know why it was worth hiding.  
  
Tony snorted. Seriously? Gibbs really thought that was enough of an explanation? "It's more like a constant headache; a chronic one. It'll never go away."  
  
"What do you mean? Why not?" McGee asked, confused.  
  
"Oh." Ziva's eyes widened, she was there the first night when the doctor had explained that Tony might be brain damaged. "Is that... Is that because of that... Um, that blood loss thing that his doctor told us about? That had caused his heart to stop, yes?" She asked Gibbs, who just nodded.  
  
"O My God." McGee lost all color in his face. "Your heart stopped?" He sounded horrified and then his eyes widened even more as he connected the dots in his head. "And you mean you're gonna suffer from these headaches for the rest of your life?"  
  
Tony found it almost fascinating how fast McGee's color changed; first it was normal, then his skin turned white, then red, then green. ' _What color would be next?'_ he mused silently. "It's not really that bad. I wouldn't be allowed to get back to work if it was, now would I?" He tried to reassure his Probie. "It just that... Well, _sometimes they_ might get bad, like, umm..."  
  
"Nasty bouts of migraines." Gibbs helped.  
  
Both McGee and Ziva looked at him with wide eyes and sadness.  
  
 _'Great. Just what I need.'_ Tony thought. "Look, it's nothing. Why don't we all forget about it and get back to work, huh?" He grinned lopsidedly.  
  
Gibbs rolled his eyes, knowing what Tony was trying to do. "Start working." He ordered, trying to give Tony a little space. "Take your pills, Tony. That slap must've worsened your pain." He added.  
  
Tim and Ziva hesitated for a few seconds and stared worriedly at Tony, but finally hurried to their desks when both Tony and Gibbs glared at them impatiently.  
  
"Boss, I'm fine." Tony resisted when he saw Gibbs' glare back at himself, but as Gibbs marched around his desk and grabbed his backpack to find his pills, he gave in. "Fine, fine. I'll take it."  
  
"Good." Gibbs nodded and waited till Tony took a pill, then softly murmured, "It won't happen again."  
  
Tony smiled. "Thanks, Boss, but I told you, it's OK." He meant it.  
  
Gibbs nodded and walked away when he was sure things were under control for now. "You'll get his headslaps from now on, McGee." He said aloud when he found Tim still throwing glances Tony's way, his eyes riddled with guilt and concern.  
  
With some satisfaction, Gibbs noticed that his statement had the desired effect; Tim actually looked horrified and Tony's face split into a genuine wide grin.  
  
"Yes!" Tony laughed triumphantly.  
  
Tim on the other hand was at a loss for words. Looking dumbfounded between Tony and Gibbs; he knew he couldn't complain, since it seemed only fair, but he also knew that nothing would stop Tony from doing something to get him a headslap and the way Gibbs had talked about it? It almost sounded like Gibbs was looking forward to giving them, too! Oh boy, he was doomed; he was about to lose all his brain cells.  
  
"By the way, it's good to have you back, Boss." Tony called after Gibbs.  
  
A smile curled Gibbs' lips and a twinkle lit up his blue eyes. "You too, DiNozzo. You too."  
  
.  
  
.  
  
 **-The End-**


End file.
